I?ve been pondering lately the wildly popular song: ??Now you?re just somebody that I used to know?? ?I know it is supposed to be about a brutal romantic breakup, but I feel there might be some deeper meaning here for all of us.
On a deeper level I believe this song captures how disconnected we sometimes feel from the many people we used to call friends.? And deeper than that, it may be about how many of us have lost our faith in the power of love and deep personal connections.
Most of us know from experience that having good friends adds greatly to our quality of life.? It can make our lives deeper and richer, and research now shows that our friends may be one of the most important factors in increasing our longevity. The same isn?t true for relatives.
A 10-year longevity study of those age 70 and older concluded that a network of good friends is more likely than close family relationships to increase longevity.
Combine this information with the results from a 2006 American survey which showed that in the U.S., our circle of close confidants has decreased dramatically in the past two decades.? In fact, the number of Americans who say they have no one with whom to discuss important life matters has more than doubled.
This study, published in the American Sociological Review, was the first national survey on this topic in 19 years. The same researchers found that the percentage of Americans who talk to only family members about important matters increased from 57% to 80% from 1985 to 2004.
So if strong, long-term friendships sustain us best in our elder years, where does that leave those of us who watch friendships slip away in midlife?? I have lost a few old friends to distance and time recently.? I?m not really certain how it happened.? First they stopped calling, then they forgot about my birthday, and now I wonder if the Christmas cards will end soon. ?It makes me sad to think my old friends have simply become ?somebody that I used to know.?
Thankfully I do continue to develop new friendships, mostly with my elders, although I notice a tendency among my middle aged friends to turn more readily to family, not friends, for their most meaningful connections.
Sometimes we all need a reminder of how essential our ?chosen family? or friendships are to our very existence. Too often it takes an illness or some other type of loss to make us realize the importance of old friends. ?Then we may spring into action, offering a hug or some other type of support and affection.
Why not take the time today to focus on your friends. ?Where would you be without them? Then offer up some heart-felt gratitude for the wonder of their unconditional love for you.
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